Psymon, You need a bath!
by Outbreakgirl
Summary: Psymon is in need of a bath...seriously. However, he will not give up that easily. The others will have to catch this maniac and will have to use force if hey have to. Goofy adventure ahead.


Me and my brother have been playing SSX Tricky for a while and it just made me think of a fan fic idea that I have to do. Hope you have a good laugh.

Disclaimer: EA Sports Big owns the SSX series...just so you know

- Outbreak Girl

* * *

_Marriot Hotel, Merqury City- 9:35 pm_

Psymon Stark feels great this fine evening; in fact, he had a wonderful day. This morning, he had kicked a random stray cat that was in his way, took a nice dive into a garbage dumpster for a swim, and tormenting his riding victim on a practice run on the slopes earlier. He is currently checking himself in the mirror in his bathroom. The man looks to be tanned a bit, wild spiky brown hair, tattoos on the side of his nicely toned chest and a very special one on his shoulder, and the only thing he has on are red and black plaid boxer shorts.

This man lifts his arms and sniffs his hairy under arms; he withdraws quickly and disgustingly as his pits stink more than a rotted fish that has been baking in the sun for a few years…perfect!

He smiles as he is proud of his stench. He quickly picks up a notebook pad and a pencil that was in front of the sink counter. He began to write in it the progress of his smelly pits.

" Day five," He said aloud as he writes. "Underarms are in a foul condition, Hair smells and haven't given in to bath temptation. So things are going pretty well for me."

The lunatic closed the pad and left the bathroom to lie on his bed that is covered in candy bar wrappers. It has been about five days since he has stayed away from baths and deodorant, and he has been stinking up places everywhere he went ever since. What is the reason for this madness? It's kind of unknown to everyone else, but he believes in his head that it brings good luck, and it actually worked.

It all happened in Mesablanca, before the final heat of the race, Psymon had forgotten to bathe and he casually waked on the course. He had some close calls during the race, but he actually won that gold medal and felt that it was all because of his stink. When the competitors arrived in Merqury City, he hadn't taken a bath since and he even wrote down his progress. Two days ago, he won first place in the first heat and won the second heat yesterday, the final race is tomorrow night and he is feeling lucky.

Psymon scratches his belly as he began to feel sleepy. After that hearty meal from room service consisting of chocolate bars and a medium rare steak, he feels content and shifts his body to sleep. He can already taste the gold once he is made the winner.

_The next day..._

Elise Riggs yawns as she walks down the hallway as she makes her way to the elevator on the other side. The bombshell beauty had woken up quite early this morning, she couldn't sleep an hour ago when she heard a strange bumping noise from above her room that woke her up. It is now seven something and she want to get to breakfast as soon as possible. She made it as the end of the hall and turns around the corner only to see a familiar face standing in front of the elevator.

Zoe Payne took notice of the blonde woman and gave a little wave. "Hey Bombshell, what's up?" she greeted. Elise walks up to her with a little smile.

"Nothing much, babe, though I missed one hour of sleep because of someone having to much fun." The punk girl chuckles, she can relate to that kind of problem. The two boarders jumps into the empty elevator as soon as the door opened, Zoe volunteers to press the button. Her face suddenly twisted when her nose caught something that was foul. Elise smells it too; both women stared at each other, knowing full well whom that oder belongs to.

"Oh god…" Both women said in union, Zoe then rapidly repeat pressing the button trying to make the door close faster. As soon as the door begins to close, a figure squeezes through the tight space of the closing door. Both women groans as Psymon manage to get in. He grins as he got between them, sighing in relief. "Whoo! Oh man," He shouts as he mockingly wipes swipes sweat from his forehead. "That was a close one girls. You weren't planning to leave your best pal Psymon were you?"

That was exactly what they were doing. They both regretted for not taking the stairs, ever since the lunatic hadn't taken a bath for the past few days, it has been hell for the competitors. His smell somehow rapidly accelerates each day; even the flies don't want to be around him. Zoe begged, pleads, even send out some death threats at him to apply soap and water, but it all fell on deaf ears. Elise did the same thing except unleashed the threats; even he didn't listen to her as he believes his stink to be a miracle worker on the track. For the ride, Psymon hums a scratchy tone loudly while in cross his arms just waiting. The two women stood far away as possible on each side while covering their noses, wishing that the ride would be over with.

The door finally open and the two female boarders dashed out of there as fast as they can. Psymon, on the other hand, strolls happily paying no mind to the people moving away from him. He's too goofy to notice that the people of the lobby backs off as he walks by, a scream was heard when a woman kneels over her husband as he passed out on the floor. The psycho mistook it as a bird chipping from outside in his mind. All that matters is to get some steak and eggs into his hungry belly as soon as possible.

_Dining Hall_

Nine SSX boarders are sharing one big rectangular table while enjoying their breakfast and holding conversations with one another. They are all apparently excited about competing in the final race here in Merqury City; they want to conquer the next circuit, which is in Japan like last year. They haven't seen their manager as of yet, but they expect him to be arriving soon, in the meantime they are just relaxing a bit.

"Mac-kun, hand over your pancakes pretty please."

A petite Japanese girl pops up behind a boy that's almost the same age as her. She looks over his shoulder as she smiles. The Brunette young boy nudges at her ribs, having no intention in handing over his precious pancakes.

"Kaori, ain't no way I'm giving my pancakes over to you," He looks over to see her frowning face, her cheeks puffs up in frustration at his answer.

"Mac-kun! You're not even eating them!"

"I'm getting to 'em. Beside, didn't you already have five jacks? You're gonna be chubby as Luther."

It's a good thing the heavy boarder wasn't listening, as he was too busy stuffing his face with bacon. Kaori is still persistent with the pancakes, Mac doesn't know how she is able to stay skinny even after eating a big breakfast. He fends her off from his plate as she whines and pleads in a childish manner to hand over his breakfast. Moby Jones looks at the scene between the two teenagers; it's a very cute seen though.

"Oi runt, going to fatten up your woman eh?" The English boarder teased Mac. Everyone thought that they would make a cute couple if they ever go out on a date. Mac frowns at the older boarder while Kaori couldn't help but blush, but she feels that an argument is going to happen. Those two are rivals on and off the courses and always on each other throat. Their confrontations are not as worse as Elise and Marisol's. Mac glares at Moby as he tries to explain.

"Hey man, first of all Kaori is just my friend and second, the only one who's getting fatter is you." Moby laughs at the boy's comment.

"You're wrong about that runt," Said Moby as he flexes his arms so his muscles can show. "Do you see any fat on this supreme, action ready body of mine?" Sometimes he can be sure of himself. Mac rolls his eyes at the flexing boarder; sometimes he just can't stand him showing off.

"Yeah, in your fat head, old man." Mac retorted.

Moby leers at him behind his black shaded sunglasses, he has gotten really annoyed at Mac for his insults. Calling him an old man, big head insults, and dreadlocks jokes even though it was only one time. "Does 19 seems old to you, ya little twit?" He growls at the younger teen. " At least my head has more muscle than your bloody, stick-figured, body!"

"Oh so now you're checking out my figure, man?" Asked Mac, disgusted. "Are you gay, dude?"

"You would like that, would ya, ya little snot?"

"Say that to my face, dude!"

"With pleasure!"

Both men stood up from their seats as they glared daggers at each other. One or both them have a mind to jump across from their chair to strangle the other out. Kaori quickly talks to Mac to calm him down, Eddy did the same for Moby.

The fight is avoided thankfully, but they don't know how long it would before they go off again. Before anything else, two women come in trying to catch their breath. Everyone turns their attention to Elise and Zoe as they have the looks of terror on their face. "He's Coming!" They exclaimed in unison.

The boarders' eyes widen as they know who they are referring to. They all scattered to hide as quickly as possible; they don't want to be around when **_he_** comes.

Psymon Stark has arrived in the room, only to find it seemingly empty. He didn't mind as he made his way to the buffet table as he whistles in joy. Although he wonders where the others are, they must have not yet come or left early. He shrugs as he puts some food on his plate as he is starving for some eggs, bacon, hash browns, and 10 cups of orange juice. The meal is set and he makes his way to one of the empty tables and sits to feast, he is unaware that there are poor souls hiding under the table.

The door opens again as DJ Rahzel come in the dining hall, only to find it only inhabited by the lone psycho boarding eating his breakfast. The DJ took five steps in, stops in his tracks when a foul odor reached his nose. "W-what the-" He question and looks at the source, he bravely pinches his nose and slowly walks forward hoping not to pass out. "Uhh, Psymon…you know you forgotten to take a bath…"

Pysmon looks at the DJ, and then smells his armpits in satisfaction. "I know…its great right?" He replies satisfied. Rahzel thought otherwise, he hasn't realize how serious this stench, since he hasn't bathed in a few days.

"Uhh Stark, the other boarders have been complaining that you have been stinking up everywhere you go…it's distracting and unhealthy-"

"Ya know, I don't remember asking you a thing." Psymon stands and faces the Dj while crossing his arms. "This is my body, I can do whatever I damn well please. If I wanted to skin a raccoon that has been hiding my attic, wear its blood as war paint and put its head on a post to make an example to the other raccoons, then I'll do just that!"

Rahzel blinks, that was pretty scary but he remains calm. "Look Stark, now I'm warning you, please for the sake of the rest of us, take a bath."

"Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it if I don't?"

"Simple, I'll kick you off the circuit."

The psycho stops then rub his chin in thought, wow, that's intense. If he doesn't clean up then he'll get kicked out, which means no gold medals, no domination, and no torturing the little Japanese girl he hates so much. Would he really risk something like this for his good luck stink? To risk the gold he's been long for ever since day one? He shrugs then pats the DJ on his shoulders.

"Ok Rahzzie, you've made your point," He said in an understanding tone. "Apparently you've had enough and I'm gonna respect that. Yeah…I'll take a shower like you ask and win like the rest of them." This is too good to be true, his tone is too nice and too understanding, Rahzel nods but then he gasped when he saw a smirk on his face. "Or not!" Psymon made a swift head butt that connected with the DJ's nose and makes a run out of the dining hall, leaving Rahzel on the floor with his nose bleeding.

When he was gone, the 11 boarders that were hiding came and tended to the man on the floor. They gathered around him to look at the damage and it looks pretty gruesome.

"Damn!" Mac exclaimed, "You got knocked the-" Before he finished the sentenced, everyone gave him a glaring look that made the teenager shut his mouth. Rahzel came to as he struggles to get up, nose hurting and bleeding. Luther and JP helped up on his feet, and is handed a handkerchief by Eddie.

"Dude, psycho is determined not to apply that soap and water." Eddie said as he looked at the exit Psymon went through.

"Yeah, and knowing him, he'll do whatever it takes to keep it on." Zoe commented, she and him are friends so she'll know what he might do, wild and crazy things for starts. Rahzel is holding his aching nose with the handkerchief couldn't believe that the lunatic boarder had the guts to injure him.

"Need an ambulance, boss?" Luther asked in his thick southern accent.

"No no…I'm fine." The DJ replied as he sharply inhales. "Psymon needs to be stopped; this has gone on long enough. He cannot leave this hotel, get security right away-ouch!" He winced as accidently pinched his nose.

_Lobby_

"Out of the way, meat sacks!"

Psymon races through the lobby knocking people down as he went through. His lucky stink isn't going anywhere as long as he is alive. The exit door is just within his reach when suddenly three men blocked his way, causing him to stop and raised an eyebrow. These men seem to be security of the hotel and he suspects that Rahzel is behind this little set up. What is surprising is that they don't mind his smell at all; they must have some powerful resistance.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" The Lunatic said, having an insane smile on his face.

The one in the middle took off his dark shades and neatly puts it in his front pocket of his jacket. "Mr. Stark," He said in a calm voice as he took one step. "We have been ordered by a Mr. Rahzel to not let you leave the hotel and put you in holding. I'm sure that you wouldn't mind."

Psymon kept that grin on his face; do they really think that he'll go without a fight? "Sorry to disappoint you pinky, but I have important business to attend to." He said, the middleman raised his brow.

"Oh? And what would that be?"

"The one where I make a stop by your mom's house."

The middle guard isn't too pleased by the psycho's remark and his voice becomes tense. "Mr. Stark, this is your last chance," He warned as the two bulky guards beside him crack their knuckles. "Do as we say or we will use precus-" He didn't finish his threat as Psymon rushes at him and drop kicks him, causing the unfortunate soul to fly backwards and lands on the ground in pain. The lunatic didn't wastes time and crashes through the lobby window, ending up outside.

He recovers and races into the street, only to be hit by a cab and flies back.

He lands on his back and lies there silently. The cab driver gasps, as he couldn't believe that he hit someone. The driver gets out of his car, only to see Psymon doing a kickstand as he acts like the accident didn't happen. He smiles wickedly at the damage he caused and look to the cab driver. "You!" he exclaims as he points to the frighten driver.

"M-me?" The man said, pointing to himself.

"Yes you, I want you to take me somewhere." He gets into the car with the terrified driver, he can smell the foul odor, but is too scared to notice. "Take me to the site on where they are holding the SSX tournament."

"R-really?" The driver asks.

"Yeah, On the double!"

The driver pressed the breaks and left the front of the hotel to quickly head to the destination Psymon has in mind.

Meanwhile, inside the lobby, the 11 boarders and manager survey the damage done to the lobby. They also noticed the security guard on the ground with a messed up face. Rahzel leans over to the injured guard. "W-what happened?" he asks the guard.

"…Maniac…Psycho…he's insane…" Said the guard weakly, "Hospital…"

The ambulance arrives five minutes later to carry the guard into the van. Rahzel sighs in frustration, this has escalated into a serious problem, and he turns to his boarders as he tries not to panic. "Ok, ok, I need to stay calm…I need to stay calm…" He slowly intakes air and exhales smoothly. "Psymon is acting out of control…we need to catch him and force him to bathe!"

The boarders look at each other, then at their manager. He must be crazy to think that they would have a chance to catch the lunatic boarder.

"Have you lost your mind man?" Eddie cuts in. "His smell would keep us getting close to him. I'm not going to a wild goose chase for some nut!"

"We don't have much of a choice!" Rahzel yells and the ginger fell silent. The DJ breathes again then calmly responds. "We have to look for him before night hits. We can't call the police just yet; they will be a last resort if we can't get to him. We have to work together on this one and make him bathe whether he likes it or not. He cannot be on the racing course until he does!"

The boarders look at each other and nod nervously at the bosses' orders.

With that, the DJ looks at one of the burly security guards. "You!" he points at him. "Did you happen to see where the crazy man went?"

The guard nods as he points beyond the hotel yard. "Yeah, he took a cab and went down 5th avenue." He said before shivering. The DJ eyes widen behind his thick shades and turns to the boarders.

"Ok everyone, on the bus, quickly! We have a psychopath to catch." Rahzel ordered as he quickly moves to the parking lot where the circuit bus is waiting.

* * *

Psymon yawns as he scratches his stomach and peers broadly to the window of the taxi. His feet are stretched over to the front where the poor driver is at the mercy of his feet stank. The driver tried his best to hold his breath to battle the smell, but he has to breathe at some point. He gave up and exhales for his tongue to meet the taste of stink and he coughs violently.

The psycho laughs as the driver coughs. "Hey pal, are you alright up there?" Not that he cares, it's just that he asked for the sake of asking.

The driver nervously turns as he bothers to look at the stinky passenger. "P-please…d-don't kill me," He pleaded shakily as he begins to sob. "I-I have a family, a wife and a fourth child on the way! They need me, man!" The man started to sniffle, as he believes the lunatic boarder would slay him at any given moment. Psymon raise an eyebrow as he heard the man crying for his life.

"Are you crying?" He asked as pokes his head to the front row of the car. His suspicion is confirmed as he views the man's face flooding with tears. "Sheesh! If I had you as my husband, I would divorce you in a second for being a complete wimp." The one thing that Psymon cannot stand in this world is a crybaby, which is one of the reasons why he picks on his riding victim.

"Quit your sniveling, ya no good pansy. No one in this taxi's gonna die." Psymon assures.

"R-really?" The driver nervously asked, sniffling.

"Yeah, yeah. Hey what's your name pal?"

"…Wha? O-oh…its Lawrence." The psycho passenger cringes, and then wrinkles his face at the sound of that particular name.

"Oh, really?" Psymon asked, sounding a bit intridged. The driver nodded as the passenger looks up. "I knew a guy named Lawrence once, he stole my lucky underwear…and I gave him a lesson he'll never forget." The cab driver named Lawrence shivers; he probably shouldn't have said anything to him. Then, the boarder howls with laughter after he reminse his recent memory. The poor driver shivers, just trying his best to stay silent.

By some luck, the traffic is now running smoothly and the taxi starts to move down the street. The boarder slumps back into his seat and checks the window again until something caught his attention.

"Hey! Stop right there!" Psymon suddenly slaps Lawrence's head hard enough to force the driver to hit the breaks. This also caused him to slam his head in the middle of the steering wheel, causing the car horn to honk on impact. While the victim is moaning in pain, Psymon looks on with a predatory look in his eyes. "Head for that donut shop, pronto!"

Without a word, the driver quickly turns a corner and stops right in front of a shop called 'Daryl's Donuts.' Psymon once again sticks his head right beside Lawrence.

"I'll be right back, pansy. You're going to wait for me, right?" He slowly makes a evilly grinning face as the poor driven nervously sweats.

"Ok…ok…" Lawrence sequels as he shuts his eyes, wishing that the maniac would leave him be. Thankfully his wish came true as Psymon exit's the cab to enter the donut shop. Gears are turning in the drivers head as his conscious screams at him to speed down the street.

"This job doesn't pay me enough…" He made his decision as he screeches down the road, leaving the psycho boarder on his own.

Rahzel is keeping his eyes open as he is at the wheel of the circuit tour bus. The other boarders are looking as well, all seem normal for now.

"Dangit, how long is this gonna take? Didn' get to finish meh dang breakfast." Luther said as he is complaining. His riding partner JP chuckles as he pats the chubby boarder's back.

"Do no despair, mon ami. We will get this done before …l'heure du déjeuner." The Frenchman smiles as he assures the southerner. Luther blinks as he doesn't understand a lick of French. Meanwhile, his eyes caught something interesting. People are suddenly running out of a local donut shop around the corner.

"Hey mates, check this out!" Exclaimed Moby as he points to the shop. The DJ and the boarders turn their attention at the shop as it is in panic. The reason? A spiky haired individual briskly walks out with a couple of bags in his possession.

"We found him." Rahzel victoriously smirks. "Lets get him."

* * *

Well my darlings, we are finished with the first chapter of this insanity fest. Tell me what you think about...hugs and kisses!

l'heure du déjeuner-Lunch time


End file.
